The Science of Parenting Adopted Children by Arleta James

Author:Arleta James
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784505721
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2019-05-30T16:00:00+00:00

Emma is 11 years old. She was adopted when she was 16-months-old. She was abandoned at birth. She then resided in an orphanage until her adoptive mom and dad arrived. While institutionalized, Emma was noted to have had many “respiratory problems.” She went back and forth from the orphanage to a hospital several times.

Today, Emma arrived home from school like a bear! She was ranting and raving—and pacing! To Mom, “You never do anything for me! The lunch you packed was terrible! Why’d you let me go to school dressed like this? You are the worst mom ever!” Dad arrived home from work and got the same treatment! Neither, Mom nor Dad had any idea why Emma was so upset! The family texted that they’d likely be a bit later for therapy as they were having difficulty getting Emma in the car. They did arrive, and Emma was still dysregulated. She slammed the car door and the office door! She started in me. “You’re the worst therapist ever! You’re a big poopy-head! No wonder I’m not better!” This continued for another hour. Finally, Emma blurted out, “everyone leaves me.” She started crying. Mom took her in her arms. Emma said that she had learned four kids in her class were leaving the school. Two were moving. Two were changing schools. She said, “Everyone just leaves me. My whole life, no one stays.” Emma’s brain associated the implicit memory of her abandonment with the present event of classmates’ departures. Emma was triggered about her abandonment. Her implicit belief about relationships, “everyone will leave me” surfaced and havoc reigned until we were able to get to the bottom of what was going on.

Scott is age 5. He was removed from his birth home at 8 months old due to failure to thrive. He was life-flighted to a local hospital. Three weeks later he arrived in a relative placement. The birth mother was put on a Family Service Plan with the goal being family reunification. Scott was transported to visits with his birth mother every Wednesday. Nine months passed, and Scott was returned to his birth mother’s care. The great aunt was assigned the task of driving Scott to the birth mom’s apartment and handing Scott and his belongings over to the birth mom. The great aunt tried to make this transition as positive as possible. Within a few days, the birth mother called the great aunt to come take Scott for the day as she “wasn’t feeling well.” The “day” soon became a pattern—the great aunt had Scott many days and some weekends. The great aunt provided this child care as she was afraid the birth mother would leave Scott alone if she didn’t. Ultimately, Scott was again removed from his birth mom as her drug addiction had resumed. Scott went back to his great aunt who subsequently became his adoptive mother.

To this day, the car presents various problems. Scott won’t stay buckled in. He screams and cries in his car seat. He throws objects if he can.

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